Advice on Diet and Exercise

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You Gotta Love this Doctor!
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Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? 

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? 
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one. 
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad? 
Q Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? 
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach. 
Q: Is chocolate bad for me? 
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure? 
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? 
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!
AND…..
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies. 
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans…
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like.  Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

 

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